We are gathered here today to pay testament to the life of Squishy. He was called Squishy, and he was ours, and he was our Squishy.
Squishy’s passing – though not unexpected with an expected lifespan for his kind of only a few months – still leaves a void in our life that will be hard to fill for the approximately two days Amazon Prime will take to mail a replacement.
Loved ones, we must acknowledge that, with Squishy’s passing, we are naturally feeling heightened anxiety and restlessness. Such emotions are only natural during these trying times. We wonder, was there something we could have done? Was it somehow our fault? In truth, we must believe that Squishy never blamed us for cleaving so tightly. He never felt smothered or overwrought. Squishy desired only to transmit his peace and joy, and, in the end, he succeeded. He touched us all as we touched him.
Squishy, as we know, was tragically preceded in passing recently by his sibling Spinner. We must believe that they are together again in the world that lies beyond us all. May they both rest in pieces.
Now, as we lay Squishy to final rest here in our Gladlock Repository, let us not rail against the injustice of his passing. His spirit will live on in others.
Squishy, though there may seem to be many like you, you were ours. Let us cradle you in our hearts forever. At the same time, let us take your surviving relatives into our hands and welcome them with the same fierce love with which we loved you.