Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thanksgiving Time

*Arrives home later than expected for a short week*

Lavender: “I got hung up at work dealing with my least favorite people. Guess who?”

*Partner proceeds to list in order: 1) my family, 2) the administrative staff of each and every group home prior to the One Horse Townhouse in the 9th Circle of Hell, 3) a few other regulatory officials in the 9th Circle of Hell for good measure and 4) my old bully-of-a-boss before I cut him off.*

Lavender: “Okay, let me rephrase: ‘I got hung up at work dealing with my least favorite people in this particular month at this particular workplace.'”

*Partner immediately guesses the outside vendor that has failed to deliver on some critical upgrades to software my department uses regularly*

Lavender: “Yes!”

Partner: “Look, we have a whole lot of valid-to-call-least-favorite people in this world. If you don’t define the scope of the game, it’s gonna be at least a half an hour before I even think of mentioning a work conflict with an under-performing contractor.”

Lavender: “I’m thankful for the fact that it has been long enough since I’ve had to deal with any of those truly least-favorite people that I can complain about vendors at work like a non-traumatized person for once.”

Partner: “I’m putting our [D&D] character sheets on the bookshelf. We’re going to need this counter space to cook.”

Lavender: “Ok, but you know that means we now have an elf on the shelf…”

Partner: “No. Just no. That’s it. Our relationship is over and you know you deserve it.”

Lavender: “No, it’s not. You’re just complaining like everyone does when they are forced to put up the holiday decorations…”

Partner: *stares at the turkey* “Maybe if we roast it on a cookie sheet, I can build a little fortress wall out of aluminum foil to catch the pan drippings.”

Lavender: “Or, we could just cook the turkey tomorrow and watch t.v. while eating pie ala mode. The joy of it just being us is that we get to decide.”

*Partner hands Lavender ice cream to eat while watching t.v.*

Lavender: “Oww, brain fog!”

Partner: “Brain fog? Did you forget something in the kitchen and need me to get it?”

Lavender: “No, not brain fog. The other one. Cold. Pain. Brain freeze!

Partner: “And, a little brain fog too…”

Lavender: “Damn it. I hate when I’m a caricature of myself…”

*Watching a t.v. show that shall remain nameless or else I’d technically have to put a spoiler alert warning on it*

Lavender: “If you get one wish from an angel: do not raise me from the dead. Go with world peace.” 

Partner: “What about the ability to invisibly punish all our enemies?”

Lavender: “So…world peace?”

Partner: “You’d trust me to be the sole arbiter of morality?”

Lavender: “You couldn’t do worse than what we’ve got now.”

Partner: “Fair point. Maybe I’ll just raise you with the power to invisibly punish all our enemies.”

Lavender: “And this is why I’d trust you with the fate of the world. Also, you make a delicious pie.”

It’s that time of year again. Happy Thanksgiving to all who are celebrating with their birth families today, to all who are celebrating with their families-of-choice today, to all who are making their own traditions of an entirely different sort, and to all outside the U.S. for whom today isn’t a holiday at all. Special shout out to anyone who is at work today and dealing with any underperforming contractors instead of getting to eat pie. Go buy a slice of pie. There may be many way worse fates in the world – as my Partner could list off rapidly – but underperforming contractors still deserve a slice of sympathy pie!

For the second year in a row, we ended up with a 16-lb. turkey. We didn’t even gamble on the size this time. Our grocery delivery service was just entirely out of anything smaller and upsized us as their automatic substitution. Unfortunately, we didn’t remember to include one of those disposable roasting pans to cook it in. So, we’ll be having the savory part of our Thanksgiving meal tomorrow after grocery delivery resumes and will be having only the sweet part today!

Need a recap of anything I’m talking about in any post? Check out my Glossary of Terms



5 thoughts on “Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thanksgiving Time

  1. Hoping today was filled with deliciousness! Great post! I never did elf on a shelf but I find great humor in the levels some parents go to. My son wasn’t much for make believe and it likely would have just weirder him out. Our first trip to Disney (he was two) he asked my why people dress up in those costumes. I tried to convince him that was Mickey Mouse and he looked at me like I was off my rocker 😁 I’m rambling, my apologies. Hoping your turkey is as delicious as the pie. 🍁

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Lovely. I smiled often. Enjoy your turkey when it happens; I’m a big believer in the “make your own traditions” camp. If it were up to me, most of our big meals would be pizza anyone. Hope the pie a la mode was delicious.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hahah, you always make me chuckle. I’m sorry I’m a day late but Happy Thanksgiving! Lots of love from my grey & rainy corner of the UK  ♥
    Have a restful weekend lovely. Save me some turkey nom noms.
    Caz xx

    Liked by 1 person

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