Brevity is the Soul of Apathetically #7: Netflix and ADHD Pills

The rest of America has mostly re-opened, so I will claim I’m posting these because pretty soon people are going to be really sick of reading about quarantine even on the East Coast. Why waste what I put in the “massive” effort to write (er, well, “write down”)?!

But, let’s be real here: a) we are not exactly fully free to move about the cabin ourselves yet to generate new content and b) as my Partner put it, “How many of those quotes you posted about ‘quarantine’ were really things we wouldn’t have said to each other on an average weeknight before it as well?”

The answer this week is either one or three of those things, depending upon how strict you care to be. The shortage of toilet paper was absolutely a quarantine thing. But, at least so far as I know, that Burger King ad is also airing in places that have resumed in-store dining, so it’s not technically quarantine related! Zoom calls will also continue to be my norm, as I have learned I will be one of those workers who will remain remote for the foreseeable future. And, I worked from home at my previous job, too. My Partner did say quarantine, not covid-19 broadly.

I’d like to be able to claim the lack of other food in our place was just because of all the flour shortages, meat shortages and the like. But, again, let’s be real here. I have still spent more of my adult life without access to either the grocery delivery that was our norm even before quarantine or the lovely little stimulants that have made getting from “I need groceries” to “I have groceries” (either delivered or obtained the old fashioned way) possible. Chopped chefs got nothing on an unmedicated ADHD girl who has both forgotten to eat for way too long during her most recent hyperfocus and not gotten groceries in over a month.

Have some more random musings.

Partner: “CVS was still entirely out of toilet paper. But, they had plenty of paper towels.”

Lavender: “It’s almost like one could be substituted for the other in a ‘sticky’ situation.”

Partner: “Or you could just take a shower.”

Lavender: “You’re really making things worse here by not letting me have my puns. They are my Number 1 – and Number 2! – source of entertainment right now.”

Partner: “…”

Lavender: “Come on, you have one. I know you do.”

Partner: “But wouldn’t you prefer to live in that cleaner, more wholesome world where not everything was a poop joke?”

Lavender: “Not really, no.”

Partner: “And that’s why you’re a shitty person.”

Commercial: “At Burger King, we’re updating our safety procedures for you. We’re checking employee temperatures, wearing masks and gloves to prepare your food every day.”

Lavender: “That moment when you realize that if they are bragging about how they are wearing gloves now it means they weren’t wearing gloves to prepare food before covid…”

Partner (grimacing): “A-yup. Remember I worked fast food. You don’t want to know.”

Partner (concerned voice): “<Trauma Kitty> didn’t sleep all night last night.”

Lavender: “And you know this because you also didn’t?”

Partner: “She also didn’t sleep all day yesterday. Cats are supposed to sleep a lot. I’m worried about her.”

Lavender: “So you have to stay up now to watch her until you know she has slept?”

Partner: “Yes. How else can I make sure she’s okay?”

Lavender (mimicking Partner’s voice): “<Partner> didn’t sleep all night last night. He also didn’t sleep all day yesterday. Humans are supposed to sleep a lot. I’m worried about him.”

Lavender stumbles from the bedroom into the living room

Partner: “Why are you running?”

Lavender: “I’m not. I fell over my own ankle.”

Partner: “Have you been doing your PT?”

Lavender: “I was just doing it now!”

Partner: “Maybe you should stop doing it. I think you might need some PT before you are ready to do your PT.”

Lavender is watching a show wherein a wife figures out that video from earlier had been looped because the timestamp suggests her husband was drinking coffee way later in the afternoon than he actually would. She convinces authorities to rescue him just in time.

Lavender (looks up from the screen and over to Partner on his computer): “Would you know my habits well enough to tell if a film of me had been forged to come and rescue me?”

Partner (solemnly): “Your Honor. That video shows her staring at her screen for thirty minutes solid. She doesn’t once look up, talk to the person nearest her, or look over at yet another screen while the first one is still on. This tape has clearly been faked.”

Lavender (nods thoughtfully and resumes looking at her screen): “I’m in good hands.”

Lavender: “Wow.”

Partner: “Wow what?”

Lavender: “We used to have so much food, and now I can see the inside of our refrigerator.”

Partner: “We still have pounds and pounds of rice.”

Lavender stares at chocolate chips

Lavender: “And no flour…”

Partner: “No. Whatever unholy abomination of rice and chocolate chips you are pondering is not going to work. You know it. I know it.”

Lavender: “And yet…”

Lavender: “Huh, no meeting link.”

Partner: “Are you going to email the host?”

Lavender: “No. I have all the meetings today. I’m hoping they won’t send one and I can just have an hour break.”

Partner: “Is this one of those, ‘If the teacher isn’t here in 15 minutes, we get to leave’ deals?”

Partner: “Your know that your whole claim to being the apex predator is your ability to manipulate your environment. 

Lavender stares at the TV tray that is awkwardly blocking her view of the TV show she is binge-watching while lying down and shrugs.

Lavender: “Meh” Lavender waves her hands vaguely in the direction of the TV tray

Partner: “Watch me use my fearsome Darwin-given powers. Rawr!”

Partner drags the TV tray 1.5 ft. to the right so it no longer obscures Lavender’s view.

Lavender: “Watch me have employed my Darwin-given powers to control ‘tools’. Rawr!”

Contestant on ‘Forged in Fire’ on History Channel: “I have a warp in my tang.”

Simultaneously:

Lavender: “That’s what he said.”

Partner (wincing and slightly doubling over at the imagery): “Owwww!!”

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