“Lavender, Where Are You?”

CW: Descriptions of childhood emotional abuse. There will come a point in 2020 when I can officially say that I have lived longer outside the 9th Circle of Hell than I have within it. I will not, unfortunately, be concurrently able to say that I have spent more time outside of Hell than I have … Continue reading “Lavender, Where Are You?”

Where’s Whoopsie #25/Improv #19: Hazy Shade of Waiting

Does an afternoon of quiet relaxation in a cafe with a journal, a sketchpad, a kindle, and some hot chocolate sound like bliss to you? More importantly, does it actually yield bliss for you? Because I have learned that the gulf between "sounds like" and "is" is about as wide as the gulf between my … Continue reading Where’s Whoopsie #25/Improv #19: Hazy Shade of Waiting

Where’s Whoopsie #24: Silver Linings

Silver bells, silver bells'Fore Christmas trip out of city Ring-a-ling (appointment thing) Give a ring (click online - ding!) Book passport walk-in today City centers, government centers With TSA type turnstiles In my mind, there's a feeling I messed up Just keep laughing Renew passport Yes, I'm cutting it dear Silver bells, (Extra bills) Silver bells, (extra … Continue reading Where’s Whoopsie #24: Silver Linings

Meteorological Misanthropy #4: All I want for Christmas…

is to look at your two front teeth... ...or your nose...or your ear...or behind you. Basically anywhere but at your eyes. Because, yes, I am one of those neurodiverse girls for whom direct eye contact for extended periods of time is actually physically uncomfortable. I'm also one of those neurodiverse girls who has never fit … Continue reading Meteorological Misanthropy #4: All I want for Christmas…

Working on Us Week #19: ADHD

I feel like I should contribute something to Beckie from Beckie’s Mental Mess’s Working On Us Prompt for Week #19. The prompt is ADHD, after all. It's kind of what my blog is fundamentally about, right? Except writing something on command seems like so much pressure. Maybe I'll do it later when I'm not still … Continue reading Working on Us Week #19: ADHD

Meteorological Misanthropy #2/Subway Sociology #8: Winds of Change

History Channel Announcer: "Tonight, four of the world's strongest men will compete for the world's greatest prize: bragging rights!" Partner: "That's not much of a prize!" Lavender: "You've obviously never had your entire sense of self-worth founded on other people's perceptions of you, I take it?" Partner: "No, why would I set that as a … Continue reading Meteorological Misanthropy #2/Subway Sociology #8: Winds of Change

Meteorologic Misanthropy #1: Smoke in the Office/Water from the Sky

Fun Fact #1: I haven't just been in a fair number of disasters. They tend to follow me. Think I'm kidding? At literally every job I've ever had, there has been a fire in the office within the first two months of my starting there. (I have never worked at a restaurant, a fireworks manufacturing … Continue reading Meteorologic Misanthropy #1: Smoke in the Office/Water from the Sky

Trust in Mental Health Treatment #5: Axe to Grind

Actual texts sent to my Partner from my psychiatrist appointment: Lavender: "Mental health treatment is bullshit. I got the first appointment with my psychiatrist at 8:30am - knowing how ridiculously early that is – and I honored that commitment to wake up on a weekend to be available for rehearsal. It’s 9:45am and he hasn't … Continue reading Trust in Mental Health Treatment #5: Axe to Grind

Subway Sociology #8: Railway Acts of Baked Goods Generation

Starting a new job costs physical spoons, even when it saves mental spoons. My new longer commute has left me pretty drained this week. I did plan to post yesterday, but an unexpected situation on said new commute took precedence. Other people's stories aren't mine to share. So, all I will say is that, if … Continue reading Subway Sociology #8: Railway Acts of Baked Goods Generation

No Praise Like Home

You know how trauma workbooks commonly offer a warning to stop, to practice self-care, and to return to a chapter at a future time if any material in it becomes too triggering? I have never paid much attention to those warnings, even during those years when my mistrust of the system was so intense that … Continue reading No Praise Like Home