Messages in a Bottle #14: If You’re a Poet and You Don’t Know It…

Traumaversaries are weird. I have learned that it is entirely possible for me to feel stressed, anxious, rejection sensitive and floaty for days with no overt understanding of why I am feeling this way - even throughout events that should otherwise be fun in present-day 2019 - because my subconscious mind still remembers what my conscious mind …

Trust in Mental Health Treatment #5/Where’s Whoopsie #19: Ire of the Storm

The reason I am awake at 4am is below. It is also, apparently, in the papers (or, at least, the digital online copies of the "papers" since it's 2019 and I don't remember what any dead-tree paper looks like outside of my intimidating sketchbook...) I've been noticing an uptick recently in the number of media …

Offer What Light You Can

Content Warning: I began my Reality Journal on March 7th, 2018. Astute readers might realize that, if we are almost to the one-year anniversary of the creation of that journal, we have already passed the one-year anniversary of its inspiring event. I can somehow concurrently not remember enough details of that night because of dissociation …

Improv #14: Sing the Moment

*Knock knock* “Who's there?” “The Perfect Moment” .... .... “The Perfect Moment who?” “It’s too late. You already missed it.” I could use this post to say something vaguely motivational like “feel the fear and do it away” or that it’s possible to “seize the day,” even with chronic physical or mental health challenges. I …

Messages in a Bottle #11: Scheissegeist

Content warning: mentions of past abuse and medical crises. Mentions of the 9th Circle of Hell. Zeitgeist means "spirit of the times." It is the idea that you have to judge the past by the understanding of those of its day, not necessarily by modern conceptions. Scheissegeist...well let's just say that is a term for …

The Trolley Persecutor

CW: keeping secrets about child abuse, descriptions of child abuse, discussions of death and systemic abuse, swearing, and standard "never go to the 9th Circle of Hell" trauma. I've said before that I'm open to being challenged on even very sensitive topics on this blog, as long as basic trust and safety is maintained. One …

And Now Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Secrets…

CW: keeping secrets about child abuse, the aftermath of systemic abuse in the present day, family secrets, intergenerational trauma, swearing, and standard "never go to the 9th Circle of Hell" trauma. I've run away from this topic for a good three posts now, but I guess it's time to return to our regularly scheduled shit …

Top Ten Things I Hate About Top Ten Posts

I went away to a place that was not the 9th Circle of Hell this past long weekend with my partner. It was just a long-weekend getaway, and - given that my Partner had literally been to Hell the week before - it doesn't quite imply everything is fine. However, it was enough of a …

Uh Oh, Spaghetti-Ohs!

You know what they say: if you're stuck in bowl hole, don't keep pigging digging. I grabbed a few spoons - and I don't mean of the good kind - and dug in this week. That's the nature of executive dysfunction coupled with a tendency to dissociate. I am not the best at self-care in …

Messages in a Bottle #9: The Archivist

This CW is so important it should be in neon flashing lights. This is a serious post. Serious like: mentions of 9th Circle of Hell current systemic abuse, mentions of the same kind of systemic abuse on another blog, and mentions of past suicidal feelings and coercive control. I really meant it when I said …