Shooting for the Spoons

A lot of popular wisdom is rather dubious when actually examined. For instance, the common career advice to, “Shoot for the moon. If you miss, you will still land among the stars.” Unless the flat-Earthers know something I really don’t, even good old Sol is much further away from us than the moon…

Another bit of dubious popular wisdom I hear regularly from would-be experts (who have usually never heard of most of my diagnoses before) is, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.” I certainly am careful with my diet, but an apple a day does not keep the doctor away for me. In fact, following the common wisdom for most of my working life to eat as naturally as possible on business trips to minimize GI symptoms has been about the worst possible choice for me. On travel per diem – and thus not responsible for remembering expiration dates for the fresh veggies and fruit that I so often forget in my fridge for weeks until they spoil – I would load up on all of the fresh fruit in an attempt to keep the gastroenterologist away. And, yet, I always felt like my IBS symptoms were worse on business trips anyway. The inevitable refrain from the “apple a day folks” – and many of the doctors that were supposedly being kept away – was that it was just “my anxiety” exacerbating my symptoms. So, I both had to plan for disaster each time and for the bully-in-my-brain to refrain how it was my fault since I couldn’t just “relax.”

Continue reading “Shooting for the Spoons”

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Where’s Whoopsie #17: Two-Ply Christmas Lullaby

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me

An extra roll of TP.

 

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me

Two bottles of Miralax and an extra roll of TP.

 

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me

Three gluten-free pancakes,

Two bottles of Miralax and an extra roll of TP.

 

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me

“Oh, God don’t come in here!”

Three gluten-free pancakes, two bottles of Miralax

and an extra roll of TP.

 

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me

Five minutes of straining, “Oh, God don’t come in here!”

Three gluten-free pancakes, two bottles of Miralax

and an extra roll of TP.

 

On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me

Six packs of undies, five minutes of straining,

“Oh, God don’t come in here!”

Three gluten-free pancakes, two bottles of Miralax

and an extra roll of TP.

 

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me

Seven bottles of Pepto, six packs of undies,

Five minutes of straining, “Oh, God don’t come in here!”

Three gluten-free pancakes, two bottles of Miralax

and an extra roll of TP.

 

On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me

Eight clueless doctors, seven bottles of Pepto,

Six packs of undies, five minutes of straining,

“Oh, God don’t come in here!”

Three gluten-free pancakes, two bottles of Miralax

and an extra roll of TP.

 

On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me

Nine restroom breaks, eight clueless doctors,

Seven bottles of Pepto, six packs of undies,

Five minutes of straining, “Oh, God don’t come in here!”

Three gluten-free pancakes, two bottles of Miralax

and an extra roll of TP.

 

On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me

Ten stomach cramps, nine restroom breaks, eight clueless doctors

Seven bottles of Pepto, six packs of undies,

Five minutes of straining, “Oh God don’t come in here!”

Three gluten-free pancakes, two bottles of Miralax

and an extra roll of TP.

 

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me

Eleven cutie tooties, ten stomach cramps, nine restroom breaks

Eight clueless doctors, seven bottles of Pepto

Six packs of undies, five minutes of straining,

“Oh God don’t come in here!”

Three gluten-free pancakes, two bottles of Miralax

and an extra roll of TP.

 

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me

Twelve billion active cultures, eleven cutie tooties,

Ten stomach cramps, nine restroom breaks

Eight clueless doctors, seven bottles of Pepto

Six packs of undies, five minutes of straining,

“Oh God don’t come in here!”

Three gluten-free pancakes, two bottles of Miralax

and an extra roll of TP.

 

Happy Holidays everyone. Wishing you an experience that is a treat for both taste buds and tummy! And, if you happen to get the former without the latter, here’s also wishing you a private bathroom well away from the prying eyes of “nosy” family members and that extra roll of TP! Oh, and remember that self-care is nothing to be ashamed of during a stressful holiday season.

Have some holiday-themed Where’s Whoopsie’s because nobody wants to see #2-themed pages on the #1 most-anticipated holiday for a majority of America. 😉

 

 

 

Need a recap of anything I’m talking about in any post? Check out the Glossary of Terms.

Blog Awards Series #5: B is for Blog Awards

I am not saying “B is for Bedbugs,” because supposedly things are “happening” with that. The home is hiring a new exterminator to come tomorrow and – again supposedly – is going to deal with the code violations that resulted in the scary green notice. I’m not sure how much faith I have in either of these things, but there’s not much I can actively do until I’ve given them a chance to fail all on their own.

Having learned entirely too much about what to do to keep bedbugs out even before an exterminator comes by when a complex I lived in during graduate school got them – and finding the agency rather lackadaisical about learning from my lived experience – I’ll share it with you all. Food-grade diatomaceous earth lining the walls and furniture is a great way to stop bed bugs and other nasties from getting in if the neighbors have an infestation. It’s also a cheap and surprisingly effective after-care product once the exterminator does treat. I did my research as soon as I discovered my neighbors had them, bought that, and was the only person in a ten-unit apartment that didn’t get bedbugs back in the day.  I don’t think it was strictly allowed by my lease to do my own treatments, but at the time management didn’t care since it worked.

There’s no point in putting it down in my sibling’s room until the infestation is handled with entomological nukes first, but I keep hoping the agency will at least allow me to do the same after-care measures for my sibling’s room later. I’m not quite daring enough to just do them anyway as I did in grad school, because I’ve seen agencies use any technicality to boot someone, they barely wanted someone with a trauma history to begin with, and there aren’t really any other openings.

So instead B is for Blog Awards like C is for Cookie. If I have an enforced sit-on-my-hands week, I probably should get back to that “mental health sabbatical” portion of my not-FMLA. I’m hoping to do some baking. Baking too often seems incredibly overwhelming and not worth the spoons when the world is falling apart. But, I’ve always deeply enjoyed it when I can manage it. My original “balanced scorecard” included playing with inventing recipes as a thing that made me feel more like me.

Today’s other balanced scorecard questions are courtesy of Fibronacci:

Continue reading “Blog Awards Series #5: B is for Blog Awards”

Subway Sociology #1: Showing Ini-$h*!-ive: Business Meetings with IBS and ADHD

I just came back from a business meeting in another state. A small group of us went. We stayed at different hotels, and we agreed to meet up half an hour before the meeting to make sure no one was late. The meeting was in a city with good mass transit, so my boss encouraged us to take the subway to get to our meeting. It would be “less complicated” and cheaper.

I had a terrible, no good, very ADHD time getting there. First, I got lost on the way to the train. Big surprise!? Then, the train readers weren’t taking credit cards because of a malfunction, and I never carry cash. Using cash means I can’t track my spending on my statement, which is a recipe for frivolous ADHD spending. The only ATM around was one that needed a branded debit card to enter before business hours. Guess who isn’t a Bank of America customer, and thus couldn’t use her own debit card to unlock the doors of the 24-hour ATM? I was on the verge of panic when a passerby finally took pity on me and unlocked the door with her card.

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Presents for Your Loved Ones with Chronic Migraine — The Migraine Chronicles

via Presents for Your Loved Ones with Chronic Migraine — The Migraine Chronicles

My own migraines have been getting the best of me this week. I’m about to go out of town for a business trip, and I’m praying I can get them under some control before I leave. I wasn’t aware before this reblog that pre-prepared gluten-free meal services were a thing, but I now feel like my life has been lacking something critical. I wonder if they also have FODMAP-friendly meals?

I’m sure those prepared meals are ridiculously expensive, but I would accept them in a heartbeat as a gift! They would be especially welcome after my colonoscopy, when I am finally able to return to my normal low-wheat allergy rotation diet. It has been fun in some ways doing a full-gluten challenge in advance of the test. I haven’t eaten this much cake, pizza with real dough, or non-cardboard-tasting pasta in ages! It has also been unpleasant in more ways – even more GI symptoms, random hives, congestion, and nausea! (At least my partner thinks I have “cute little sneezes.”) I already knew I had a wheat allergy. Celiac disease would be worse, and I do think it is important to know whether that could be causing my issues. I’ve been doing my ‘challenge’ meals at home, to minimize work symptoms, but I haven’t been able to avoid them. I’m worried about symptoms on my upcoming trip, though my GI suggested I follow my previous diet during the trip and resume the challenge when I return home.

I already own a lovely quiet immersion blender and I have a partner who acts as my non-robotic vacuum cleaner most of the time. I felt like this list of gifts was speaking to me personally as I read through it until I came to the (sensible) suggestion of migraine-tinted sunglasses.

Continue reading “Presents for Your Loved Ones with Chronic Migraine — The Migraine Chronicles”