I’ve been in absolutely severe burnout for the past six months. Well, really for the past ten. But, I dragged myself through it better for four of those. Reasons for it will be explained…eventually. When it doesn’t feel overwhelming and daunting.
Because have you ever noticed how the longer you don’t do something, the scarier it is to do it? Even if you want to do it? It just becomes a thing. Or maybe that’s just a neurodiverse thing? Or a neurodiverse burnout thing? Who knows. Either way, the longer you don’t post, the more it becomes necessary to feel like the next post has to be phenomenal to make up for it. Until, finally, the whole thing is just too big.
My partner finally suggested that I just post a note going “I exist.” Because I actually want to engage with the blogging community again. Even if I’m not sure how regularly I’ll feel up to blogging. That seemed more manageable. Enough that I figured I could maybe go one step beyond that and post some completely out of context Brevity is the Soul of Apathetically quotes. Given they are from probably the beginning phases of my burnout, I sincerely doubt even I could truly provide context for them anymore. Which maybe will make them all the better?
Anyway, I exist. I don’t know how much I will exist on my own blog for the next bit, but I’d like to exist on other peoples’ comment threads. And, that means posting something here as a placeholder!
Partner: “Jimmy Carter’s contribution to history is going to be the American craft brew.”
Partner: “Confused Lavender is confused?
Lavender: “I mean, aren’t you?”
Partner: “Not really. I just kind of assume weird shit will happen. I mean, it’s you.”
Partner: “Where’s [name of book]?”
Lavender: “On the bookshelf. Right in front of you.”
Partner: “Bookshelf? Who puts books on a bookshelf? Books go in a pile!”
Partner: “Bookshelves are where books go to die!”
Partner (attempting to give Trauma Kitty catnip): “Oh no! That’s basil! I wondered why it had a minty freshness! No wonder she looked non-plussed!”
*Because Partner usually sprinkles Trauma Kitty with catnip in her fur so she can lick it off, this results in a cat covered in seasoning*
Partner: “Hey! Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. If you’ve never covered a cat in seasoning…”
Partner: “Why would it explode?! It wouldn’t explode! What is this movie’s obsession with explosions?”
Lavender: “It’s an American disaster movie?”
Partner: “Well, when you put it that way. I feel stupid. I’m stupid. Why did I even ask?”
Partner: “For eff’s sake, is that an ice cream scoop in the soup?”
Lavender: “I couldn’t find a ladle?”
Partner: “You are ridiculous!”
Lavender: “You’re the one always reminding me I’m a ‘tool-using monkey’ when I ask you to get me something I am perfectly capable of getting myself. Would you rather be my ‘tool?'”
Person on Reality TV, doing one of those ‘interviews’ with the audience: “I’m very social. I could talk to a wall for hours.”
Lavender: “I mean, I could talk to a wall for hours. But, that’s probably because I didn’t notice you got up and left…”
*Few minutes later, Partner comes back up from downstairs with the laundry*
Lavender: “So I learned a thing about myself just now…”
Lavender: “I dreamed I invented a therapy. It was called ‘Cognitive Paths Therapy.’
Partner: “Oh, and what was it?”
Lavender: “I have no idea. I just dreamed I invented it.”
Partner: “See, you should just post that devoid of context on your blog. ‘Hey, I haven’t posted in months, but that’s because I’m actually inventing this cool new therapy. It’s called Cognitive Paths Therapy’ Then, when they ask what it is go, ‘I actually have no idea. I got stuck after the name. Why do you think it should be?’ I’d love to see the responses…”
Partner: “Bllbleby…bleh. Words not wording well.”
Partner: “I’m having the greatest trouble with language today. Today has not been a great day for my ability to form fucking sounds.”
Partner: “The Weather Channel is super proud of the fact they are ‘America’s most trusted TV news network,’ aren’t they?
Lavender: “I guess that makes sense given that nowadays that the only ‘news’ America trusts is the weather?”
Partner: “Really? You think Americans even trust the weather? Have you seen the climate change models lately?”
Lavender: “Hey, so did we end up buying a t.v.?”
Partner: “No, I had all the tabs open to compare different types, but then I got distracted and forgot. I’ll go do it after I finish this chapter..”
Lavender: “Because you’re ADHD, so all the tabs are still open anyway?”