Where’s Whoopsie #7: Merry Christmas to All and May You All Be Alright!

Twas the Night Before Christmas and in her flat on tenth floor,

Lav claimed indifference to doing her chores.

Compression stockings were hung in the bathroom with care .

Oh, who are we kidding? They showed wear and tear!

The kitty was nestled in laundry unfolded,

Knowing her owner hadn’t the heart to scold her.

And Lav with her blood pressure cuff and glass bottle

Gave up and to the sink for a refill did tottle.

When out in the hallway there arose such alarm

Her partner put hands to front door in case it felt warm!

Then to the peep hole Lavender…well, not quite “dashed.”

Wondering which of her neighbors were being so brash.

Fluorescent lights left the hallway aglow

Making it seem migraine aura explained sights below.

When what to her dazzled eyes should should say “Ho!”

But a hefty old dude and some hooved creatures, yo!

With red ruddy eyes and a belly so puffed

Lavender checked him for stroke and offered her cuff!

More rapid than drums Lav’s heart beat in her chest

But old Nick was quite healthy. He’d pass the tilt test.

Now, DASHER!, now, DANCER! now PRANCER and VIXEN!

On, COMET! on CUPID! on, DONNER and BLITZEN!

Out the floor! Out the hall!

Now, dash away! dash away! dash away all!

As dry heaves we’re hurled – and the dizziness came nigh –

Lav begged a ride. Nick feared she’d faint and fall from the sky!

Now up to the flat top the coursers they flew,

With Lav’s salty snacks – no cookies –  so had to make do!

Her partner checked her over and urged she keep drinking.

He smiled at her “proof,” but thought she was overthinking.

Yet as he tucked her in bed – and begged she settle down –

Back through the window came St. Nick with a bound!

No dirt on him – not wrinkles nor speck of chimney dust.

Modern Santa used dry clean and made no more muss.

He was hip to the WiFi, and he used Google maps.

But losing GPS signal was a load of ho ho…crap!

Could he borrow her WiFi (and maybe more snacks)?

Update Google maps and get back out and on track?

Lav’s partner just nodded, now made a believer.

He slipped back to the bedroom to wake and retrieve her.

Though a hazard to navigate laundry and clutter,

Lav’s reindeer-speed downloads set Nick’s heart a flutter!

And as he heard that telltale package go crinkle…

His eyes lit on Glutinos and sparkled and twinkled!

His droll little mouth curled up in a huge smile.

Now here was some sustenance that was more worth his while!

The three shared some tea and some gluten-free pastries

Kitty kibble it seemed, was to reindeer quite tasty!

Though Lav and her partner offered St. Nick more respite,

The night was still young. Nick had steps left on his Fitbit!

He filled up their stockings with Squishies and fidgets

With such deft sleight of hand none saw his quick digits!

And giving a whistle, he hopped back out the window.

Tucking and rolling, landing in his sleigh with some show!

And they heard his goodbye in a jolly old croon:

“Happy Christmas to all and to all a few spoons!”

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Need a recap of anything I’m talking about in any post? Check out the Glossary of Terms.

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